Under my mask...
“She is beautiful, confident, and compassionate. A woman of purpose, courageous and in her eyes lies a promising future. She is humble, strong, smart, outgoing and she likes to write. She is so talented, she is a caring mom, she loves people and loves God. She loves sport, she is really fit and a healthy lady, nothing can easily touch her….
That’s what they say when friends asked about who Primy is. At least one of these pops up when they are trying to define me, followed by some of my flaws depending on who you ask. This is what they see...
But under my mask, under the veil I wear every day to make it in this world, I am just Primy, the beautiful disaster. I say this because most of the times I look at myself in the mirror and don’t see “beautiful or strong”. Sometimes I am afraid I don’t have it all to face this world full of confusion, pain, chronic diseases that put us down, death of our loved ones, unpaid bills, hunger, feelings, family conflicts, insecurity, violence, hate, all life challenges and other threats.
Very often, I wonder what my future will look like and I don’t see that picture clearly, and so many times I cry in my bed asking God to release the pain and give me courage to go through another day. Other days, I hate people sometimes for not being what I expect them to be, and I also run away from God countless times because of constantly sinning against him.
Sometimes I wish I am someone else. Under my mask I wish I am a billionaire to afford everything. I wish I am a superhero in time of needs, or a magician to heal diseases. I wish I had the wisdom and perseverance of my father, the boldness, the firmness, intelligence and pride of Bona, hardworking like Rony, professionalism of Anemone and a peaceful mind of Alice. Yes sometimes, I wish I was as consistent in praying and obeying God as my Mom, as innocent like Auda, patient like Anah and calm like Peace Hannelore. I wish had the cooking skills of Nimisha, the selflessness of Winnie, the loving heart of Longin, and the courage of Diane. I wish often times I viewed life in a positive and passionate way like Linda...Under my mask, I am all that and even more.
Under the mask we are all something not really good to show to the world. Not showing the weakness, the hurt, the failure. We are preaching love and yet we hate our siblings and neighbors. Under the mask we are racists, and we fail to let our daughters and sons marry the love of their lives. We are materialists, unfaithful, traitors, beautiful liars, selfish, thieves and killers. We cheat poor, we are corrupt, we are mean step-parents and we don’t care about orphans and homeless people. We break people’s heart, we destroy homes and our nation. Under the masks we wear every day, we are disasters.
But, I came to love God after realizing that only he loves all my faces, but mostly loves more the “Me” under my mask. For Him to finish what he started in us, He only asks us for one thing... “Unveil ourselves” and run to Him, He will make us new. Matthew 11:28-30, and 2 Corinthians 5:17.
There’s strong power in being true to who you are, in embracing your flaws as much as you embrace your fine points. This world lacks Open souls, for most of the people who are always fighting diseases, striving, preaching power and success, are the same people who go to sleep at night and wonder if there’s at least one person out there who loves them for who they are, under their mask.
You still are beautiful and priceless Under the mask you wear, You don’t have to have it all figured out. The legacy we were meant to leave in this world is not playing safe and trying to reach on that last moment clean and cool, but to get there really muddy and tired because we fought real hard, failed real bad, cried real loud... But mostly, we have LIVED as REAL HUMAN BEING! Despite all life challenges.
Under my mask I am loved, washed, sanctified, justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by spirit of our God.
Izi Primy
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